Notes: Chapter One, First Sight

I'd like to first remind people that I am reading this as I go - straight copy-editing, mostly because if I indulge in a project that forces me to read an unedited version of Twilight more than once I am likely to go insane. So I don't know anything about this book, except that there are vampires, and that they are really obviously vampires, and one of them needs to stop glaring at pretty girls he likes like he's going to cut their throats and leave them in a ditch somewhere.

I held on to as much information as I could while still hacking and slashing at everything I could find to hack and slash. It's not a full fix and it's not close to the 30% that needs to be lopped off for this to be tight writing, but I don't want to lose anything that might be important for internal consistency later.

Things I noticed:

• Bella's character is unnaturally gifted and privileged. I played up the brains angle quite a bit because I liked the personality points it gives her, but aside from low self-esteem there's really nothing wrong with her. She's pretty, everyone likes her, her family adores her, and Edward loves her so much that he hates her, or something? Maybe they are some kind of super-Kismesis, destined for a glorious D/S relationship the likes of which the world has never seen. I'm not actually sure who's D and who's S in this situation - but she has first-world problems, is what I'm saying. I did a lot of mitigating on her horridness to other characters, portraying it as unintentional or an inability to react the way she wants to due to being a bit damaged. But I will want to play up that damage and the event in her past that led her to Forks if I have any hope of making her a redeemable character.

• The Thing is the most likeable character in the book so far.

• It actually does feel like a pretty reasonable reaction to me to not care about the colossal amount of people that want to be friends with you because you are a pretty girl. I write Bella channeling Melinda Sordino because that's what I know how to write best, but she's smart and pretty and her only damage comes from some source which I haven't seen yet and which may not even be all that important.

• My favorite moment this chapter is the point where Edward is leaning away from her and her immediate reaction is to smell her hair. This is just picturesque high school insecurity, and kind of charming insecurity at that.